It’s time! Time to get my shit together and DO my dreams!
Sorry for the length of this post, but it’s important to me and I needed to get it out. A little about quitting drinking and why it’s so damn important, motivations, fears, and goals.
Yeah well. While quitting drinking was great and all. Now I’m bored AF, antsy and finding all kinds of stuff to do to occupy my time. WORK mostly. I’m tired, cranky, and in a pissy mood all the time. Withdrawals are still fairly bad but not constant like they were. They come and go now. Last night I had to take a Valium to get back to normal due to the anxiety. Just for the record…I HATE PILLS! I refuse to take them. Ask anyone that knows me. So the fact that I actually took one last night says a lot. It wasn’t fun. I’m not sure which part of the withdrawals are worse. The shakes, the weakness, sweating, chills, skin-crawl, pins and needles. Then there’s the headaches, stomach aches, nausea, and generalized pains. The anxiety is the worst. makes you feel like you’re fucking dying or something. Heart racing, sweating, shaky, weak, dizzy. In short, it SUCKS! The good thing is it’s not all the time like it was the first few days of quitting. Now it comes and goes.
I’ve been an alcoholic for 8 years. It took me that long to admit I had a problem. The past 2 years I’ve struggled with weight gain and other health issues and quitting drinking on my own became a goal. I’ve quit for a few days at a time before during the past couple years, but always went back to it when the withdrawals got too bad.
My personal life suffered, my business suffered, and my family suffered through it. I lost a lot over the past few years. The worst part was not being around as much as I should have been for my daughter. And though I never ever got drunk in front of my baby girl or while I had her over to my place, the effect of the alcohol made ME not want her to be around me while I was drinking…I didn’t want her around it. So I withdrew into myself and pushed everyone away.
I quit drinking for 3 main (selfish) reasons. #1 For my daughter because I didn’t want her seeing me like that. #2 Because I didn’t want to be controlled by it. #3 For health reasons. It’s just not healthy. I’d like to say I quit strictly for health reasons, and that I was strong enough to just to quit. But it took a long time to get to the point where I could find the strength and willpower to do it. It’s hard. One of the hardest things I’ve done. But I feel better now.
Goals. I’ve lost some weight already, about 5lbs so far in the past 10 days. Still have another 35lbs to lose to reach my weight goal. I’m starting my workouts now. Walking, then jogging, then running, in that order. Will be hiking more in the hills around here which will help build my cardio as well. Then weight training and get back into martial arts. It’s been a long time since I trained but I’m ready again. Won’t be fighting in the Octagon or anything, but I will surely be getting in shape, building my muscle and bone mass back up. The goal is 175lbs to 180lbs and 13% body fat. Getting a heavy bag, gloves and guards and gonna pound some leather into submission. No gym memberships, but I will be getting a weight bench to workout here a home everyday.
Goal being to get into and run a marathon. THEN I want to do a triathlon. I’ve never told anyone that before, but it’s always been one of my goals in life. Before I attempt it I’ll need to train and train hard. Before I do that I had to quit the drinking and get in the best shape of my life. Maybe one day I can have a drink without having more, but for now, I’ll train, then train some more, and then train some more.
Then TRAVEL! Australia, Western Europe & U.K. (France, England, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Austria, Amsterdam, Norway, Sweden, Switzerland, Denmark etc.) Alaska, Canada (every province and major city), Galapagos, Rio, Italy, Morocco, Spain, Egypt, New Zealand, Madagascar, Komodo, Fiji, Maldives, Caymans, Bahamas, Bermuda, Tibet, Mt. Everest? It’s on my bucket list. Even if I only take a picture. I don’t have to summit the mountain to enjoy it’s beauty. China, Beijing, Hong Kong, The Forbidden City, The Congo, The Amazon, I want to kayak the Amazon and the Nile! And many other places I can’t think of off the top of my head.
Before I do all that I have to be in great shape. It takes being in shape to do everything I want to do and I’m not getting any younger. The longer I wait the harder it will be. It’s now or never. It’s time to do what I’ve always dreamed of doing. Either you do it or you don’t. There is nothing else but excuses.
Time to train!